This is an extremely difficult letter to write as I have a hard enough time talking about my daughter being sexually assaulted let alone trying to write about it.  Words can’t even begin to express my emotions but knowing this blog may help other parents and victims is encouraging.  Our daughter chose to keep it a secret from us for six months.  Looking back I should have known something  had happened to her at college.  About a week after being home for summer break she was admitted into the hospital.  Doctors finally diagnosed her with mono but they weren’t really confident in their diagnosis.  Our daughter  was extremely tired, withdrawn, and had no appetite.  About the only time she left the house was to go running.  She seemed to be obsessed with running and would run alone for miles.  Worried about her safety, we ended up buying a treadmill.  She would spend hours every day on the treadmill.  Friends would invite her to hang out, boys would ask her on dates, businesses and organizations wanted her to perform at summer events but she would always find excuses not to go.  I assumed she was missing her friends from college.  As a mother, I feel guilty for not recognizing any of these signs.  Looking back now I realize our daughter’s sudden obsession for running every day was to try and escape the flashbacks of that night.  In July she started researching study abroad programs for spring semester, still no clue as to “why.”   

Another  red flag came in September 2013 when our daughter  uploaded a song she had written on You Tube titled “Fight Song.”  Immediately I knew something bad had happened to her, but she denied it, leaving me very confused but wanting to believe her.  A few days later our daughter called to tell us that she had just met with the Dean’s Assistant and University Security to report being sexually assaulted on campus in April 2013 (two weeks before she had come home for summer break).  I was in shock as she finally shared her story that had been kept in silence for the past six months.  Our daughter  only confided in us with one condition, that we would not tell anyone or call her university.  We felt so helpless!  The law recognizes 18 year olds as an adult so she would have to be the one to press charges against the three boys.  The university, of course, persuaded our daughter to not press charges, they would issue a “no contact” order on all three boys.  Several times in the last two years one boy has repeatedly broken his “no contact” order intentionally. At one point he has even lunged out at our daughter.  Every incident was reported to the university and there was never any action taken to secure our daughter’s safety.  For two years we have shared many phone calls with our daughter expressing fear and anger, not only regarding the boys but also the actions of the university.  Just recently, this semester, the university has changed staff.   A new investigation was completed and a new “no contact” order was issued.

My first advice to parents or teenagers (actually any person of any age) is to sign up for a R.A.D. (Rape Aggression Defense) class in your community.  It provides self defense education, risk avoidance, and hands-on defense training.  My opinion is this class should be a required class in all high schools.  We cannot depend on universities and colleges to provide a safe campus environment for our children.  Secondly, all universities and colleges should be required to have security cameras set up in all lobby and dorm halls.  The sexual assault on my daughter could have been prevented if there had only been cameras recording.  Third, law enforcement should ALWAYS be notified by the university or college when a sexual assault has been reported on campus.  Too many universities and colleges are not reporting sexual assaults to the proper authorities.  SEXUAL ASSAULT IS AGAINST THE LAW!!

More importantly, is the victim, always be supportive and willing to listen when they choose to confide in you.  Always love them unconditionally!  I am so proud of my daughter for having the courage to speak out and share her story.  It has been a long road for her to travel to get to this point and her life has changed because of it.  She has become a much stronger and confident young woman that inspires me every day.  I know she has the drive and determination to fight for what is right!  Let’s join her in putting an END to sexual assaults!!

As I read through my letter one last time, I realized that I had failed to address three “things.”  To the three young men who sexually assaulted my daughter as I know you will all be reading this blog: “Thank God you weren’t raped,” were the first words from my mouth as I listened to my daughter crying on the other end of the phone.  The heartache and pain of not being able to embrace my daughter during that phone call is indescribable.  In a sense what you did to my daughter should be considered rape, YOU raped her from “Her Choice!”  I would hate to be you as karma has a way of haunting a life!  Who knows someday you may have a daughter who is attending her dream college.  Let’s pray that she, too, isn’t shoved in a boys’ dorm room by her fellow classmates and sexually assaulted.  Let’s pray that she, too, will have the strength to escape from the hands of her attackers that night before being raped!  Let’s pray the law changes and that all sexual assaults are recognized as attempted rape.  These three young men who sexually assaulted your daughter will be sentenced and have a criminal record as a sexual predator for life.  Let’s pray that she, too, is a strong and courageous young woman.  Never underestimate the power of prayer, as this, too, is my prayer for all three of you.   May justice prevail!!